the horrible condition is back, i hate it, hate it to feel defeated, hate the attention when i'm ill.  is it possible that part of my body is permanently damaged? is it possible to get rid of this condition?  the doc reassured me that this is temporary. i can only hope.

so what are life priorities?  it's so hard to balance 'em all.  there must be at least a dozen of responsibilities that came per hat that i wear.  how did i end up with so many responsibilities?  why am i so foolish to always put the lowest priority on myself, my family members.... but highest priorities to those often not so important matters?  so i was told that i only learned to smile outside my home.  i'm beginning to believe that this is true.  i've used up my tolerances on work matters outside, and when i'm home i'm left with a sheer lifeline, hardly have any energy to entertain anybody, forget myself.

so i was working on my online portfolio and came across a blog entry that i posted in 2009.  i forgot who i could be. sigh.  patience, love, kindness. :)  it's time to go back to my green pasture, need to have a good look out in the sea/lake when the weather gets warmer.  spring and summer, you were just here, i'll come looking for you again. 

needa put a pause on things, had been running too fast. :p  needa stop and take a look at the path, otherwise i'll miss out on things that are on the way. life isn't about a destination. :)

stay positive kat, you can do this. and keep breathing. ;)

My dream is very simple, I just want everyone around me to be happy.

Friend A was shocked when she heard this, said "your dream isn't simple at all, even Jesus couldn't make everybody around him happy." Coming to a slight realization that my dream isn't that simple.  Shared this same vision with Friend B, who was also taken this by surprise, "it's very difficult to get everyone around you to be happy at the same time, people often walk different paths, different stages in their lives."

I agree with them, but I don't agree that this dream is impossible.  Whatever dream that people may have, to become a pilot, to become a wind mill maker, to make a movie, to hold a concert on a stage surrounded by water, these dreams also seem very difficult, and I don't see my dream being any more difficult than theirs. I'm refusing to give up.  Why is it so difficult to care about people's feelings?   It's all about timing.

Friend B continues, "i think your dream may be difficult, but you can start with yourself. be happy so you can inspire others."

Yes of course, but even if i'm not happy in the end, i never said that i will need to be happy in the first place, did i?